The Story That was Never Told
Have you ever been put in a situation that was dangerous and completely out of your control? Well I have, and I hope to shed some light on this topic. I don’t believe people really are understanding of the severity of sexual abuse. Sexual assault affects people of all ages, but it disproportionately affects young people, especially those who are of high school and college age. Sexual assault affects people under the age of 18 of all genders and racial backgrounds. Rape does not wait for you in a dark alley, it does not wait for you to be alone, and it does not wait for you to consume alcohol or any other substance. You are more likely to be sexually assaulted by your friend or acquaintance than by a random stranger. Statistics say 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.
We are told by many that these assault victims/survivors are attacked because they did not do enough to prevent their assaults, but why are we shaming the people that are feeling the most pain? They say that they must have been wearing something, they must have said something, or they must have been doing something that led to them being raped, harassed, groped, molested, and/or verbally threatened. This is just what society wants people to believe because it is easier and not as terrifying as recognizing that these acts of violence could happen to anyone including you or someone you know. We would rather blame and silence those who try to speak up than listen and be forced to admit that this is a real problem.
Sometimes it is experiencing the affects of assault to truly understand it completely. Almost a year ago my life was flipped upside down... Over winter break, December 2016 is when the worst day of my life took place. At this time I was 15 years old, just a sophomore girl moving into a new high school. I had been downward spiraling after fighting with the guy I was seeing. I wasn’t making smart decisions, and I chose to go out to a small kickback with a few people that night. I kind of knew these people but only one person I was with was someone I thought I could trust. I still remember crying in the backseat of the car on the way there, listening to sad music that made my head go numb. One of the girls I was with offered me a bottle telling me that it’s going to make all the pain go away and sure enough, I started chugging it. By the time we had arrived, I had chain smoked 7 cigarettes and drank over half that bottle; I definitely felt numb. We show up and the ground is all icy, it’s pitch black outside and snowing. My friend, ”already hammered”, was leaning all over me and slipping around as we walked into this garage that led us to a room filled with faces I didn’t recognize. For awhile my head was clear, but right as I would start enjoying myself, another flashback of him would appear and that heartbreak would replay over and over in my head. The night became a foggy mess as I continued drinking until I couldn’t see or move. I was completely numb and still in heart shattering pain. The girl that offered me a bottle decided to invite her nineteen-year-old friend over while I was blackout drunk on the couch. At some point in time in my sleep this stranger crawled behind me and tried to hold me. I was resistant. My friends, all hammered, just sat there and watched not knowing what his true intentions were. I hoped if I fell back asleep it would all be over, and he’d leave me alone. That wasn’t the case. After everyone fell asleep, I was awoken to being molested and held down while I was half-asleep. I started to cry unable to move or speak. My body was paralyzed as he stripped me of my clothes.
He kept repeating, “are you dtf?”
Little did anyone know I was a virgin. I tried to shake my head “no” and started crying a bit harder. He didn’t listen. He continued to hurt me until I started crying too loud. Since I wouldn’t respond or do what he wanted, he got angry and threw me to the ground. I was forced to sleep there bare naked on the freezing cold, cigarette-bud covered floor. I prayed he wouldn’t wake up and try to do anything again. I silently cried myself to sleep.
I woke up still shaking around 6 a.m and everyone was still asleep. I grabbed my friend Alexis’s extra jacket and threw it on, and I tried to get any of my stuff together. Alexis was driving, therefore I needed to wake her up quietly and try to get out of there before the nineteen-year-old boy woke up. I ran out of there when she woke up, barefoot through the snow. As I reached her car, I start to feel the tears stream down my face again remembering all the awful things I was put through that I now have to explain to my friend. I didn’t want to tell a soul, but we needed to leave. She hands me a cigarette and tells me to tell her exactly everything that was going on. As the words of what happened slowly creep out, I’m unbearably crying now. I can’t even bring myself to take a drag. I soon realize the man that tried to rape me was best friends, “brothers,” with the guy I happened to be seeing at the time.
My boyfriend, at the time, tried to find his old friend to beat the crap out of him, but the guy that tried to rape me was hiding out, because he is over 18 and I’m a minor. I tried to get the police involved. I asked for help within my school, but no one truly ever helped me in the ways I needed. I needed to know I was safe and protected. I needed to know that he wasn’t going to go around and hurt more innocent girls. All I ever felt was fear and pain for months. I just am completely traumatized from this experience. That was by far the worst night of my life. Our principal took me to a few sexual assault counselors, but that didn’t help much; I still was in a constant state of fear. Today I live a much happier life and my PTSD hasn’t got in the way of my life in a while. I’m in a new safe and happy relationship. Today just happens to be our 10 months, and I couldn’t be happier. Yes I wish the guy that tried to rape me was locked away, but I haven’t given up. Sometimes to this day I will see him hanging out around outside of my school with people I called my friends. Trust me, it hurts. The second I see him my heart races. I can feel that fear and pain rage inside of me again. Every time I have to drive past him, I’m forced to look back at the awful things he put me through. I wrote this to hopefully spread some awareness on this sensitive topic. You aren’t as alone as you feel. Don’t be afraid to speak up and tell someone if you are ever put through a situation as awful as this. I know it hurts and you don’t want to tell anyone, but I promise keeping everything bottled up inside is not the way to go. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to personally, i’m always here. I can offer you help in whatever way you need. I’m always an understanding listener and willing to speak up for those who are too afraid.
-Aleah Rosenberg
